Tis the Monday after my uncle's wake. The office hasn't been a friendly escape from reality. New mantra : Life goes on. My question now is, where is mine headed for? Most of my postings have been rantings about work. Actually, I just don't know what I what to do anymore. What I want to do right now? Curl under my furry blankie, pop a DVD on the player, sleep till Im narcoleptic.... Hehe. Oh well, back to the grindstone.

Tis the Monday after my uncle's wake. The office hasn't been a friendly escape from reality. New mantra : Life goes on. My question now is, where is mine headed for? Most of my postings have been rantings about work. Actually, I just don't know what I what to do anymore. What I want to do right now? Curl under my furry blankie, pop a DVD on the player, sleep till Im narcoleptic.... Hehe. Oh well, back to the grindstone.

Last post was on the 17th, which coincidentally, was my uncle's last day here in the mortal world. He passed away the same day I posted my last blog.
It's excrutiating to think that a member of the family is gone, never to be seen or be with again. It's even more excrutiating and difficult if you have to live through the reality of it.
I guess that's how it is with our family-- everyone's immediate. I've been the official family photographer for the past how many years, and I've enjoyed taking pictures of special events and not-so-very special events. I had to look for Tito Ely's more recent photos, and reviewing the albums we have was truly sad. Those were happy times- as reflected in the beaming faces which spoke to anyone from the photographs. Big smiles, and a certainty of happy times lasting forever.
Being reminded of one's mortality ain't no easy feat. Such a reminder assumes that something terrible has happened and that things will never be the same again. Happy times will return, but not in the near future.
I know Tito's in a better place, as cliche as that my sound. I know he's whole and content where he is. And that this is simply the circle of life, the way of the world, man's journey to the next metaphysical realm. We all need to be strong for each other. And frankly, I'm just glad that we HAVE each other- my cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, Mama, Papa, and my brothers. We all have each other. It's a comforting thought (and a proud one at that). I know we'll get through this. And I'm glad we will together.

Oh my... four months and counting... I can't believe how busy I've been since my last blog. So much has happened. January and February just blew past me like a breeze! Two months in a nutshell? ABAP Programming crash course! March was just a darling month! 30 fantabulous days with my favorite girls in the U.S. A vacay to be rememebered forever. I can't begin to describe the beautiful places I saw, the great people I hung out with, and the amazing shopping experience. April was a daze... But it was mostly about revisting my work principles, the value I put in my personal time and life. Somehow, such thoughts echoed in the background as I was getting back into the groove of things after a month-long vacay. May, cruising along now as I type, has been the plumber's paste, glueing everything together, but still in a gray-ish, unclear way. This leads me to my latest thoughts in general about life and work...

At this point in my life, I've been involved with I.T. for three years now, not counting the years I spent trying to LEARN what the industry is about (concept-wise). My vacay sort of made me think if the life I have right now, is the life I want forever (or indicates the beginnings of the life I wish to have). Between the long hours in the office, slaving away for something which doesn't exactly excite me, dealing with the competitive undertones of work, and the constant need to prove to myself and other people that I'm good enough to be where I am, I AM TIRED. Tired and UNSURE. It's hard dealing with 2 strong emotions. Being tired doesn't leave me with much energy to figure out what I really want to do. But now, more than ever, I think I strongly feel a need for a change in scenery. I like being in my team and all, but I guess being there has lost its need for me. I don't feel like the team needs me anyway, so why bother spend time working? I dunno... really... I guess, the hours of my day are spent sighing over my frustrations, suppressing exasperated groans....

ARGH.

Hehe. Thanks blogger. I guess venting just gave you the breath of life once again.